God damn, there’s no games.
I thought and hopped on to a sofa. I already led the plo200 leaderboard but felt like I hadn’t played enough to ensure the victory. Semi manically, I clicked around partypoker’s lobby, and tapped my foot against the ground. It was a beautiful summer’s eve at our cottage and the Finnish nature was truly giving its best; sun still high up in the sky and pleasant 25’ degrees, even though it was already past nine o’clock in the evening. Anyone would be relaxed here. And yet, there I was. Tapping my feet against the ground in a desperate search for some action. It was a bit weird as I felt great overall, there was only this small itchy feeling somewhere and I quite couldn’t reach it…
Holy shit, I’m having a withdrawal from the games, I realized.
I grinned, not because I had some mild symptoms of a gambling addict: I’m already used to that. I grinned because I had indeed put a semi decent five-hour session in last night. Now, feeling withdrawal after eighteen hours – that was a new personal best.
Hmm, should I check what the plo500 leaderboard looks like?
A quick scan revealed that I’d be in the money after an hour of play, with two I’d be in the top five, and by some kind of miracle the pool was running too. I opened a beer and made sure that all the essentials were close enough: some snus, some lip balm (my lips need to be properly moist while I play – sue me) and of course – my beer. I was determined to have absolutely zero reasons to leave my sacred gaming lair. Everything seemed to be in order so I took a last look outside: it still looked like garden of Eve.
Perfect, I thought, shut the curtains to block the last remaining light and crawled under my laptop.
After around five minutes I was a happy man. The eight-table action helped my withdrawal and it felt nice to play 2,5-5 where the regular stack off pot is 1k instead of 400. The 1-2 had been great for me financially but the action-monkey requires bigger pots and more irresponsible life choices than just rake-whoring. Also, the pool is a lot tougher and that gave me some weird satisfaction too. The best players at 2,5-5 are actually very good professionals and it felt great to be battling with them again.
BZZT, my phone started vibrating.
Please be a text
BZZT BZZT BZZT, the phone kept ringing – sounding like an angry bee.
WHO DARES TO CALL ME NOW?
And why isn’t my phone next to me? God damn.
Chaotically I hop out of my “lair” and start heading to my phone on the other side of the room. I balance the laptop on my other hand and use the bottom right part of it as a mousepad. The tables and stacks are flying between each step I take, and when I finally reach my phone I’m all in on two tables and have a decision on third. I take a quick look: Private number, reads on the screen.
I have no time to double guess whether I should pick it up or not. Also, I feel like I’ve already lifted a mountain just to make it my phone so I click some of the most urgent actions away from my tables, balance my mouse on the top of the laptop to free one hand and pick up my phone. For reasons not entirely known to me my brain plays a snapshot of Hank Moody answering his phone:
“WHO BE CALLIN MA BLACK ASS” I yell in English, quoting Mr.Moody.
“Hello Sir, this is X from partypoker”
Oh, for fucks sake… Why do you always do this shit?
“Yes?” I reply a bit wearily.
* BEEP BEEP BEEP, all my tables were timing out.
“So…” He started.
“Shit shit shit, hold on…. These bastards are trying to stack me.” I stop him mid sentence.
“Certainly, sir.”, the manager replies. I can hear a small “sigh” in his voice.
If I used a bot this would be the best lie ever. The background noise, the way I’m handling this phone call. God damn, cheaters should learn from me.
I hit the “sit out all the fast-forward tables” button.
“So, what’s up Brosef?”
He went on about how my actions required some double checking. Apparently, it’s not normal to go for two leaderboards, at least not with such a mania. I asked him if the phone call this far seemed like the type that he would be having with a normal grinder – and after that we both agreed that this security check was most likely unnecessary. However, he did still ask me a couple of questions which I happily answered, and we parted ways. When the call ended, I was left with two thoughts:
1.) It’s absolutely great that party is going over the trouble of calling anything that might seem suspicious.
2.) Is everyone so professional nowadays that a mere double leaderboard finish triggers an extra security check? Surely some of us still like to fool around a bit. It can’t be just me – right?
P.S.1. My last posts have been basically free partypoker promotion and even though I like them I feel like I must give them some shit in the future. As of now… The only thing that comes to mind is that it’s FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE to sit out at fast-forward pools. But. I’ll try to find something better to whine about in the future.
P.S. 2. Gambler’s Diary got nominated for the 23rd best poker blog around. Now, if “writer of the 23rd best poker blog”, doesn’t say that this guy fucks – I’m not sure what will. Immortal fame, here I come.